[SmallFox]

Доброго времени суток!
Задали написать небольшую историю. Тема бред, но вот, что получилось..(
End of the world

From that day on he was never the same again...
It was December 21, 2012. The morning started out like any other peaceful winter morning. He grew up in Boston; his whole family lived there for years. He wasn't like most of the people who believed that the world will end. He did not believe until it started.
And it all started when the earth began to tremble. Everyone went outside to see what was happen. Then the ground cracked and flames burst from the broken crust. Fire rained down on the city. It was a scene of mass destruction. The people were screaming, the children crying, and the animals raced in fear. The buildings turned to ashes.
He was with the rest of the town hiding in a bomb shelter underground. Lots of people think the world is gonna end today. His thoughts were mixed. He was so scared more than never before. He understood that the shelter will not save him from this disaster.
Shock. Panic. Crush. People were dying in front of him. He replayed in his head these things and he wanted only one that all this was a lie.
?? Suddenly the sound of a shrill and sudden flash of light made him blink/ has forced it to go blind(?), and he has felt that something has fallen off on him. He has shouted from a pain.. And.. Has woken up at home in bed.. And.. It was a dream, just a dream.
Of course it was just his imagination, but since then, he began to appreciate every moment of his live.


Проверьте, пожалуйста, этот текст.
Особенно последние абзацы..согласовка времён - не моё...((

Спасибо большое!

Comments

[lasuen]

his whole family has lived there for years

believed that the world will would end

what was happening

burst from out of the broken crust

The people were screaming

the children were crying

the animals raced scattered? in fear

The buildings turned to ashes

in a bomb shelter underground - in an underground bomb shelter

world is gonna end - is going to end

He was so scared, (comma) more than never ever before

He understood realised that the shelter will would not save

wanted only one that all this was a lie - не очень понятно, что именно имеется в виду

the sound of a shrill and sudden flash of light - a shrill and a sudden flash of light made him blink

he has felt that something has fallen off on him - he felt something falling on him? \ he felt that something fell on his head?

He has shouted from a pain - He let out a shout of pain

Has woken up at home in bed - he woke up

На первый взгляд) Это что в глаза бросается

[SmallFox]

LaSuen, оо..как всё плохо..(( Спасибо огромное за помощь!

[SmallFox]

wanted only one that all this was a lie - не очень понятно, что именно имеется в виду

он хотел только одного, чтобы всё это оказалось ложью..

[lasuen]

he only wished it wasn't true \ real - я бы сказала так)

да не за что на самом деле, не так уж и плохо, а с артиклями и временами всегда сложно=)

[SmallFox]

LaSuen, а можно Вас попросить, если Вам не сложно, ещё одну работу проверить?) Пожалуйста)
Discursive Essay
Nowadays people have become extremely dependent on cars. The reason for this is the fact that most people prefer to have their own car than to use public transport.
In my essay I’m going to/ I want to compare the advantages and disadvantages of owning car and public transport.
Advantages of driving and owning a car:
The best thing about cars is that cars give you freedom. You can go from your home to anywhere else when you want to. As well as freedom, cars also make people feel safe in the car and nobody can hurt you. It is also the most comfortable type of transport. On the other hand, there are powerful arguments against car use.
Disadvantages of driving and owning a car:
First of all, it is expensive to have a car. In addition to the price of the car, you have to pay for petrol, repairs and insurance. Secondly, you have to worry about finding a parking space. And the third, I believe that cars are fundamentally harmful to our environment.
In contrast, the public transport is an invention or creation really useful. Therefore, some people say that using public transport is a good idea and other people think that it is a bad idea.
Advantages of the public transport:
On the one hand, public transport’s advantage is that you don’t have to drive, so you need not driving license and it is a help for people who do not have a car. Moreover, you have not to worry about parking and it is cheaper because using petrol is very expensive. In addition, public transport like trains or planes is faster and these two are capable of doing a long distance in a little time.
Disadvantages of the public transport:
In transports there are sometimes many people and it is overwhelming. Apart from, timetables are not occasionally on time and public transport like buses arrive late. You get tired and feel discomfort when you wait bus at a bus stop, especially in winter.
To sum up, there are two opinions and different arguments. In my opinion, disadvantages are quite serious but advantages are extremely good and I think that public transport is definitely an advance.

[lasuen]

Без проблем)

of owning a car - (тык)

from your home house

As well as freedom - Apart from giving freedom (иначе смысл искажается)

make people feel safe in the car and nobody can hurt you - не очень удачно, in the car - получается в конкретной машине, nobody can hurt you не связан с предыдущей частью (cars give people a feeling of security?)

In addition to the price of the car - in addition to its high market price

And the third - and thirdly

In contrast, - Public transportation, however, is a really useful invention

public transport’s advantage - the main advantage of public transportation is

you need not driving license - you don't need \ require a driving license

it is a help for people - it is convenient for

you have not to worry - you don't have to worry

public transport like trains or planes - тут нет ошибки, но сказано как-то неудобно, я бы написала other means of public transportation, such as trains or airplanes, are faster and capable of covering long distances in a short period of time

In transports - так нельзя сказать( public means of transport are often very crowded

Apart from, - так не употребляется( Вы наверно имели в виду Besides,

you wait bus at a bus stop - wait for a bus

Как-то так)

[SmallFox]

LaSuen, огромное спасибо Вам за помощь! Извините, что отняла у Вас время!

[lasuen]

SmallFox, пожалуйста) да и 5-6 минут сложно даже временем назвать!